KOINONIA GONE!

[Bob23]

  I'm afraid it's true, friends. While Koinonia spends her winters content on her trailer awaiting her first spring dip, this year that will not happen. When I came around the corner yesterday, she was gone. This happens occasionally around here: Boats on trailers are towed away, stolen as it were, and rarely are recovered. The police speculate that by the time they are missed, they can be states away. And because in the spring, boats being towed behind trucks is a common sight, it does not arouse attention. And because the local police are so busy around here following school buses around, they rarely have time to help solve real crimes.
  In the place where she slept, I found this ransom note: "If you ever want to see you sailboat alive again, you'll deliver 5000 unmarked cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer in a plain brown paper bag to the corner of Main and Mane by midnight on April 1st. We're serious and to prove it, here is one of her turnbuckles."
  Please help friends, time is short. I'm so distraught I can hardly think straight. I don't have that much PBR around  so I'm asking you, my Compac Compadres, to assist me in getting my beloved 23 back home. She must be so scared...I can't think what these monsters may do to her. Horrors- they might even convert her to a powerboat!
  Our wonderful friend Mike Greene has offered to help me so please send all your cans (not bottles please) to him and he'll forward them to me. Thanks in advance, Mike- you are a true friend.
   When she's safe at home, you can bet that when I apprehend these scoundrels, I'll make them drink Coors Light till they puke!- that'll teach 'em.
Bob23

[peterg]

Fret not, B23!!  I woke this morning, looked out the window, and your beloved craft was in my yard next to the mighty Beagle 3!! They were apparently in deep conversation concerning the HOTCR. There were tandem VW aircooled engines and Volvo engines mounted to the trailer, and it seems she drove herself here. Mystery solved- don't post pictures on milk cartons!!

[BruceW]

I will help by continuing to not purchase PBR which will allow the supply to be diverted to you by others.

Maybe I'll drink a Dark & Stormy in her honor also!

[brackish]

OH NO! I acted before I read PeterG's post.  It is on its way.  When I shared the story with some of the guys at the Marina, they all chipped in to send a dump truck full of PBR can's to Greene's house.  I can't stop it now.  Told the driver to just back up to the boat garage and dump it.  Mike won't mind will he?  I figured he would have left for his Florida boat search and wouldn't want to be bothered with the details.  It should stay cold as I imagine the snow hasn't melted yet in Wisconsin. 

Oh well, maybe Greene can turn his dinghy into a ice chest barge to tow on his initial cruise.  I'm sure PBR must be his favorite brand.

[sailen69]

Bob,
Maybe chose a different tack.  Instead of looking for the boat, look for PBR drinkers.  I would think that they would really stand out.  Regional stores can help get a photo of the perpetrators on camera.  I am sure there can only be 4, or maybe 5 PBR drinkers east of the Mississippi.  Surly this will narrow down the suspects.  I hope your boat is back to where it should be very soon!
Good luck,
Rich

[Greene]

Hmmm?  How much do you think that full truckload of PBR would net me on the open market?  $10, $15, dare I dream $20?  I'd have to do the math.  Let's see, I bought a 30 pack for Bob at the last CLR and I believe it cost about 12 cents total and a lot of embarrassment. Carry the zero, double the suds tax, multiply by double axles on the truck, add in the bitter aftertaste and it comes up to exactly......BAD BEER and 19 cents.

Happy April Fools Day Bob.

Mike (I have better taste than Bob) Greene

[kickingbug1]

     i saw your boat at least i think it was your boat. it had no mast and has been converted into one of those ridiculous power boats. it was headed south on the mississippi river with about a half mile of empty pbr cans in its wake. it should be in new orleans in about three weeks give or take. if you send me plane fare to and from new orleans i will undertake the investigation. you notice i refer to your boat as it-----she is no longer a sailboat.  oh by the way im sure jack will rent his 19 to you for the clr. what am i saying it will be sold by the end of the month.

[Salty19]

Bob,

I talked to a couple of buddies in Youngstown who made a few calls to some union boys. Returning favors you might say.   Help is on the way soon.
One felt so bad for you that he added another 5,000 cans to forget all about this horrible escapade. He was concerned about shelf life but I reassured him it was already stale before it left the brewery, and that's just the way you like it too.  Hope that's OK..sorry I know it's spring and the snow has passed to keep it cold. I'm sure it will be fine warm too, if you're into that sort of thing.

Hope the truck makes it there in time.   Good luck!

[ChuckO]

I'm afraid I have bad news for you ....

My cursory quick look at the 'Beer Wagon' did not indicate that it was properly set up or equipped .... NO TAILGUNNER .... it won't have much of a change getting to the "exchange point'

[Craig]

Is this thread for real? Or, am I living in an alternative universe?  LOL

[Bob23]

Thank you my friends for your support during this strenuous time. It seems the would be thieves had a change of heart...and beer! At the thought of consuming 5000 cans of PBR, they promptly returned the boat, waxed, fueled and ready to go in exchange for a promise that I wouldn't prosecute. I further demanded that they promise to bottom paint the boats of all CPYOA members for 10 years...or else I'd force feed them the PBR! The instantly agreed! So, all's well that ends well. The boat is back, we have our bottoms painted for 10 years, a band of would be bad guys have seen the light and gone straight. Of course, I have one minor problem: What do I do with 5000 cans of PBR? Mike, can you help?
Bob
Craig: Alternate universe is spelled: CPYOA.